07.06 – Fighting with Me

7 weeks.  6 days.

My brain is changing.  My emotions are strange today.  And yesterday.  Feeling very unsettled.  I am frustrated because I want certain things and I can’t have them.  And I’m feeling so much angst over it. IMG_0561

I want new clothes.  Right now is NOT the time to go shopping.  It frustrates me.

We drove by McDonald’s.  I craved a double cheeseburger.  Then I saw a Cracker Barrel billboard and wanted their biscuits instead.  Then I realized there’s so much food at home, it’d be so silly to eat out. 

I want new shoes.  But right now is not the time for that either.  UGH!!!

I want to LIVE in Dallas, but we are saving right now.  Which is the perfectly wise thing to do when you have a job and don’t have to pay rent.  But I’m upset about it.

What’s worse is I know this isn’t me.  I know I’m not like this.  I don’t normally feel like throwing a tantrum as soon as I know I can’t get new shoes. 

And obviously, if I say, “Baby, I want new shoes.” Osiris will say “Okay, let’s go get you some.”  So it’s not a battle against him.  It’s a battle against MY OWN LOGIC.  And that makes me even angrier.

It’s so silly!

Up to now, I’ve been feeling perfectly happy and my hormones have actually kicked in to the Happy end of the spectrum.  I’ve been positive.  Motivated.  Calm.  At peace with the world.  I’ve been AWESOME.

So in the last 24 hours, I’ve felt like I’m crashing into a brick wall.

Just a reminder to myself, Osiris, and everyone else:  This ISN’T me.

The Awesome Father of Our Baby!
The Awesome Father of Our Baby!

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